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A Lot of Nothing from an Angsty Woman

Updated: Feb 8, 2023

It's been a minute. So much for my 'blog every month' goal. The ironic thing is that the months I have been missing lately are months that should be easier for me. Spring and summer are my busier times. But honestly, there's just not that much to share.


I don't have any reflections, words of wisdom, or relevant farm updates. Except, all of that is completely untrue. I have had all of that, but imposter syndrome is the devil that convinces all of us that what we have is not enough, and what we think is worthy is in fact nothing.


And, this is the time I SHOULD have been sending out solstice messages. I SHOULD have been sharing how to ground down and draw inward for winter. I SHOULD be refocusing and planning for the workshops, finding clients, garden planning, and doing networking the spring requires.


But the truth is- I'm tired. And angsty.


And you know what? New Year's Resolutions are dumb. That's right- I said it. I hate them. You want to change your life? You don't have to wait for January 1st. You also don't have to feel obligated to make a change. Mind. Blown.


Sometimes the 15 year old goth girl in me still emerges in all her counter culture Manic Panic-ness.


I was in a meeting last night with other herbalists, herb farmers, and apothecary owners from the East Coast, and listening to everyone has pulled me out of my funk, a bit. I realize my way of drawing inward this season has not been in a positive or productive way. Instead I've been keeping to myself and reading fantasy books to take me out of my real life. Seeing all these other people who are successfully starting businesses or farmsteads or whatever the hell they do, albeit successfully, is killing me. However, it's time to climb back out of my abyss (or in my case, my bathtub) and start doing some stuff.


Perspective Shift


It's time to take stock of my saved seeds from the past few years and see what I need to order. The goal is to rely on buying seeds less and less. Last year was the first year I didn't have to buy any seedlings, and started everything from seed. That was a huge win. This year my goal is to spend half as much money (I typically spend about $80 on seeds). I'm still searching for that perfect, heirloom, organic tomato.


It's time to look back at my garden notes from last year and see what I started too early/ too late. Rotate some things in the veggie garden. Plan some new raised beds. Expand the herb garden. Buy more oats- LOTS more oats.


I am currently trying to figure out how to keep these damn chickens in the coop. Now that they are free ranging when I'm home they don't like being cooped up (insert sitcom fake laughter). The big problem is that they are gravitating toward the woods and hanging out literally next to a fox den. OK yes- I should put a real cover over the top. You have no idea how much of a pain that is for me. But I am getting about 7 eggs a day on average, which is cool. Going from 4 chickens to 12 has been a huge change.


I am now selling herbal teas on Etsy, which I love. I plan on adding smoking blends, bath blends, and some other fun stuff soon.


I don't know where the days go, but they are filled. I'm never bored. I feel productive, though I often feel I have nothing to show for it.


This may be the last random rant, as I'm taking a course later this month which will have me blogging about real things, hopefully things that will bring me more business in the form of herbal clients. I'm not sure how I feel about that. But, I'm pretty sure these random blogs are just serving me, and not doing much for my professional life.


I'm sorry I can't muster up the strength or wit or will to provide something helpful or fascinating these days. Maybe it's because I haven't been spending as much time in the woods as I used to. Maybe that will be my resolution that is not a resolution- get back in the woods. Cheers.


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